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| AUTOBIOGRAPHY |
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Why do I paint ? I really have no idea, I just feel that I have to express myself this way. It has become a journey to discover truth. I have never been good with words, whilst painting allows me to express ideas without them. This is not a CV as such. I never went to art school, or had any formal training.
To understand my art you should know something of my background. I was born Maurice David Pepper on 16th January 1944 in London. My mother once told me that a bomb dropped outside the hospital the day I was born, but did’nt go off. My family were what you would call ordinary working class. I was the only child. I went to the local primary school, and from to an east end grammer school. Subsequently I left school in 1960 aged 16 with 2 “O” levels, and got a job in an office. Careerwise, I never had much of an ambition. At 21 I met my future wife, got married at 23 in 1967. At 25 I started my own business up, running an employment agency. The next milestone was 1976. This was a terrible year. Everything went wrong that year. My business failed, my mother died suddenly and I sank into a deep depression. I could feel myself falling apart like broken glass.
It was at this point I first painted. My father-in-law was a keen amateur artist, and I thought that I would try my hand at painting as well. You may recall that 1976 was the year of the very hot summer. I bought an easel and oil paints, and did some local landscapes around Woodford Green. The first seemed fairly easy, the second was much more difficult, and the third almost impossible. After a few weeks I just gave up, and went back to trying to salvage what I could of my life. Eventually I starting training as a quantity surveyor and worked as such up to the end of 2003.
Since childhood, I have been fascinated by transvestites and transsexuality. When I was young I could cope with my inner feelings, and as I got into my 30’s and beyond, they became far stronger and uncontrollable. In 1991 I visited some clubs, but domestic rows forced me back to a life of conformity. In 1994/5, I was unemployed for nearly a year and started to paint again, for the second time, again using oils. I did a few pictures then stopped when I found work again. In 1997 my wife began to lose her memory and was eventually diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and by January 2002 she was admitted to hospital, as I found it impossible to cope looking after her any longer.
It was at this point I found myself alone for the first time in my life, and made the conscious decision to let the transsexualism take its course. By November 2002, I had changed my name legally, and was working as a woman in the office. Everyone at work was surprised, but in life you get surprises. Now life became meaningful and exciting. To cut a long story short, I had sex re-assignment surgery in March 2004, and all my transsexual problems immediately vanished. Everything became normal. Now I don’t have to think about it any more. After 6 months convalescence, I tried to get another quantity surveying job, but found this impossible. By this point I was 60 anyway, and so decided that I did’nt want a job in any case.
This brings us to November 2004 when I began to paint for the third time. However, this time it was different. I was painting for the first time as a woman, the first time in acrylics, and the first time in celebration rather than to escape. I immediately found satisfaction in achieving something worthwhile on my own. I began with painting familiar London landscapes, and gave each one a number so I could chart my progress and see how my style was changing. I think that you will notice a rapid change. I don’t know what has occurred myself. The strange and unexpected thing was how quickly the whole thing became really serious, and I found myself tackling subjects that I would’nt have attempted before. I have no idea why the painting has became so serious. Perhaps years of repressed emotions have suddenly found an outlet?
I have been asked how I would describe my art. The best way I would describe it is as 21st century British (because it must be?) Intellectual conceptualism (what a mouthful!). Since starting in November 2004, I have been looking to do something completely original. I don’t know if I have. Many of my pictures are highly experimental. Some people say I am medieval in tone, which has some truth in it. My own favourite period in art is Dutch canal scenes of c.1680, but I greatly admire Caravaggio, Veronese, Jacob van Ruisdael, Rembrandt, Stubbs, Joseph Wright of Derby, Turner, Constable, Goya, De Lempicka, Thomas Dugdale, Sickert, among many others. I attempt to give all my works a central conceptual thrust. Often my works are moralistic in tone for which I make no apology for.
A few months after I began painting, I started to take my work to transvestite/transsexual parties, and friends urged me to arrange exhibitions. Eventually by Christmas 2006, I decided to buy a digital camera and a computer, and put together my first brochure. The time has now come to put my works on a website, so here it is. The painting gallery has been arranged in 8 sections, viz:-
(A) London Life
(B) Intellectual concepts and ideas
(C) Life Now !
(D) The Unpleasant
(E) Humour and the Indefinable
(F) Transgendered subjects
(G) Adult sexual themes
(H) Portraits.
Many works are difficult to categorize exactly, as topics discussed could be put into two or more sections, but this is the best way that I can think of constructing a meaningful index.
I am told that my works have a strange quality about them. I think that this is because I look at life from the viewpoint of a young child (living as a woman since November 2002), but judge society from the viewpoint of someone in their 60’s, which is rather an odd combination.
Ever since I started painting (for the third time in November 2004) friends have been urging me to sell my original works. I am now prepared to sell my works in the form of prints. All the works were painted originally as acrylic on board two sizes 16” x 24” and 32” x 24”. Most of the earlier ones were 16” x 24”, but after about a year I started painting mostly the larger of 32” x 24”. These are now to be reproduced and sold full size, if required. They can also be printed different sizes as requested. The works carry a stamp of authenticity on the back, which I sign and date.
One of the things that I wondered about is whether my paintings are masculine or feminine in tone. Is there any such thing ? It seems to me that most art is masculine. Very little (it seems to me) is feminine, except perhaps depictions of mothers and children, domestic scenes and flowers. Most artists were men. I think that most women were too busy looking after families to spend much time painting. Painting (and art generally) strikes me as a form of aggression where you try to impose your perception of an image on the world, whereas feminine art is essentially passive, and takes the view of the onlooker. I’m not really sure.
Painting to me is a journey after truth. Sometimes you take a trip forward, sometimes backward. I have no idea where the painting is taking me. I remember as a teenager attending a lecture by a philosopher who said that his job was to make you think. This is my intention.
Enjoy and gain inspiration from my paintings.
Margaret Dawn Pepper.
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